Friday, September 26, 2008

Mumteenth Times

Maybe I should start a new blog called The Mumteenth Times. Ya know, "I have told you (insert number) teenth times not to/to (add your own issue)." I figured that since I mentioned this blog was partially about 'Motherhood', I should speak to this concept even though I am asking myself just what this concept entails. 

1. the state of being a mother; maternity
2. the qualities or spirit of a mother
3. mothers collectively
4. having or relating to an inherent worthiness, justness, or goodness that it is obvious or unarguable: legislation pushed through on a motherhood basis.


I guess I adhere to the first definition as I have two boys. I also distinctly remember being hugely pregnant twice and the gross details, down to each and every contraction, of their births, so I must have gone through maternity.

Can someone explain the 2nd definition?  Just what are these qualities or spirit of being a mother?  Or are these explained in the 4th one.....Holy Crow! the inherent worthiness, justness, or goodness that is obvious or inarguable?

Can I have that tattooed on my forehead and chest. On my forehead so my kids can read it before they start arguing with me and telling me I am unfair and what do I know anyway and on my chest backwards, so I can read it in the mirror at night before I go to bed after one of those arguments, when I begin second guessing myself and wondering if I was wrong and why the heck am I a mother anyway, and how did I get here when I can't even take care of myself half the time.

It used to be so easy when the kids were babes; even when they were young kids. I mean, I was was obvious, I was in control, all knowing, on a pedestal, could do no wrong. But now, my older son, at the ripe old age of 14, is taller than me and my younger son, who isn't as tall as me yet, has inherited his father's stubbornness and love of arguing. (My husband claims that those are the traits he inherited from me, but this is MY blog.)

Suddenly, the definition of "Mother" has become less, well.....defined. The lines have blurred, the control has diminished, the pedestal has disappeared, or at least shrunk and I am always wrong. A friend once told me that this is a sign that I have done a good job, (so far), as a parent and I should pat myself on the back. (I should probably say "we" have done a good job as my husband has had some say in this, but it's still MY blog.) Then why do I sometimes feel like I should be whacking myself on the back with a whip while wearing a hair shirt under my bathrobe as I wander around the house chanting, "I am not worthy."


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